funny love quotes

“To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone”.

-Jarod Kintz

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“Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs”.

-Miss Piggy

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“I love you like a fat kid loves cake”.

-Scott Adams

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“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes”.

-Lucille Ball

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“First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time”.

-Honore de Balzac

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“Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier”.

-Mae West

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“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions”.

-Woody Allen

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“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt”.

-Charles Schulz

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“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

— Rita Rudner

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“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.”

— Joan Rivers

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“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.”

— Fran Lebowitz

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“Women love a self-confident bald man.”

— Larry David

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“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”

— Phyllis Diller

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“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”

— Billy Crystal

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“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.”

— Ray Romano

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“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”

— Erma Bombeck

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“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?

— Jean Illsley Clarke

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